Spiraling

The other night I spent some significant time trying to calm my wandering mind; I was at one of those points when I was feeling quite lonely, even in this world where it is difficult to really be lonely….a world which is permeating with materialism and the desire for status and power. I started thinking about many different things, the words put together by the eloquent Wordsorth came into my mind-- "The world is too much with us; late and soon, getting and spending, we lay waste our powers: Little we see in Nature that is ours; we have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!" Then I started thinking, as people-particularly as Americans in this culture, we get caught up pretty easily in the work-consume mode of everyday life. The scary part is not having the desire to pull yourself out of that mode—to better yourself and the world around you. Some of us see more or at least desire more than the routine, the comfortable. I was able to step back from that lifestyle while working and living in a developing country. I was able to see what is important. I found a superabundance of energy within myself which I have found no outlet in the American life as most people live it. There are so few people with whom I can share the things that mean so much to me that I have learned to contain myself.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me understanding. I sat at a table where rich food and wine were in abundance, but sincerity, truth and understanding were not. I went away hungry.

International nomadism is a resistless fascination for me, I’ll never stop wandering. I want to throw myself into new experiences; feel myself twisting, turning, growing, changing….spiraling!! I want movement and not a calm course of existence. I want excitement and danger and a chance to sacrifice myself for my love. There is the motivation of why people involve themselves in grassroots, development work. I have debated within myself many times the dynamic between authentic altruism and self-improvement. I see this experience as something that will ultimately be highly reciprocal in character.

This process seems so ambiguous at times that it stirs up anxiety, but of course this is accompanied by excitement too!

All I know is that life is flux, ever-changing. Gandhi, I suppose is right, we should just live as if we will die tomorrow, and learn as if we will live forever. Take surprise in each sunrise and comfort in each moon. Move often, carrying your home with you. Climb mountains, stroll beaches, ride bicycles down big hills. Love among the hate when love is what you feel. Suck strength from your anger, then let it go. Scream at the ocean, run when the sign says walk. Question authority, and accept change. Fill your soul instead of your pockets. Dance whenever you get the chance, talk to anyone you meet. Watch closely, read a lot, listen hard. Smile in every mirror, love yourself and what you've been given, but love others more, grow with each tear. Have fun without maps or directions. If the clouds should open up, offering transportation to even the smallest of dreams, ride the nearest cloud.

Riding a roller coaster with my hands in the air!

Knowingly I bought the ticket. Step by step I moved along the roped path passing others who were seeking the same thrill. I heard the cranking gears of the track and saw faces filled with excitement coming from the exit gate. I arrived at the platform eager for my ride to begin. Slowly I made the climb to the top waiting with full anticipation for the stomach turning plummits and body jerking turns in my immediate future. Confidently and without any inhabitions, I reached my arms toward the sky. From the peek of the track everything became clear, I could see for miles. I was ready for the ride of my life. Suddenly my body became weightless and a scream of ecstasy rolled from my mouth. Just when I thought I was in the clear unexpected twists and turns caught me off guard. I hesitated to reach for the safety bar aware that the excitement of the unknown path intensifies the thrill of the ride.

Currently my life is a roller coaster. I have a passion for seeking thrills and following unknown paths and I am most certainly riding with my hands in the air. Today I received an email requesting I call my VSO advisor. It is the day before my flight to PNG and I haven't received the package from VSO containing my passport, visa or tickets. I immediately knew what this call was regarding. There were some miscommunications with the letter that is needed to apply for my visa. Long story short, I do not have my PNG visa and consequently I will not be leaving for PNG tomorrow.

So now I am on the climb back up to the top and looking forward to the excitement of reaching my arms to the sky and feeling my body become weightless! I will wait for my PNG visa which may possibly arrive tomorrow or 3 months from now. Who knows what twists and turns are in my immediate future? It’s well worth the ride!

Spring Forward

Spring is one of my favorite seasons in Tennessee, second to Fall. It is a time of renewal, growth and new beginnings. The buttercups are growing towards the sun, the dogwood trees have beautiful white blooms, the rains have filled the creeks and ponds and turned the grass green. The birds are singing and people are
spilling out of their houses to be warmed by the sun.

Thursday I finally take off for Papua New Guinea! After 3 layovers in Los Angeles, Brisbane Australia and Port Moresby, I will arrive in Madang Saturday and will spring forward 15 hours!

I am all packed and ready to go other than a few small things...you know like deciding between books or tolietries in my backpack!

Although I am eager for a new beginning, I am embracing every moment I spend with my friends and family. Two of my best friends will bring precious lives into the world while I am gone. I have enjoyed seeing their glowing faces and growing bellies. I am expecting lots of pictures! Today, my family and I celebrated spring with an easter egg hunt. We filled our baskets with treats as we searched for the prize egg.




In a few days my spring will quickly be summer as I enter the tropical paradise of Papua New Guinea!!!

Stuck to the computer!

I am constantly checking my emails in hopes of news from VSO. I am updating my blogs, editing and posting pictures on photo sharing sites, planning fundraising events, creating powerpoints for school presentations on Zambia, and writing my weekly column for the Robertson County Times. My blogspot is the only place that I feel is truly mine. A friend of mine recently joked that I must have reached the end of the internet by now! My fingers are not the only things that are stuck to the computer. Yes, the misterious visa approval letter that I have been waiting for finally made its way to the VSO office in Madang-stuck to my program officer's computer monitor! Literally taped to the monitor!

I was visiting my friend Abby's school giving a presentation about VSO and Peace Corps when I received the news. I litearlly jumped up and down when my advisor Catherine told me I was headed to PNG! Abby looked over at me and tears filled my eyes. I am finally going to Papua New Guinea.

I will continue to be stuck to the computer as I await my flight itinerary and final preparation emails from VSO. I should arrive by the end of March.

I would like to send a special thank you to my mom Vickie, dad Mike, stepmom Carol, brother Houston, sister-in-law Becky, grandmother Jenny, Aunt Jana, Uncle Jeff and cousins Dex and Devan, and friends Ms. Liz Cheezem, and Melinda and Steve Allen for their donations to VSO during my Share Your Lunch event this past Saturday. Your generous contributions will help send more volunteers like me to help fight global poverty. We raised $325 of my target goal of $2,000!

Daily Updates

Daily updates are all I can give as they are all I receive.

Monday came and went with little news. I still sing, "It will be alright." My visa letter still rests on a desk somewhere in PNG. VSO is remaining hopeful that it will come by the end of the week. Due to other volunteers waiting for visas, in addition to myself, later training dates have been added. So, I now have til the 20th to get to PNG.

Monday I told my advisor I decided I wanted to explore other options because I am not interested in waiting around until July if possible. She red flagged my file to all her colleagues. We will continue to wait for my visa but if it is not here we will have other options.

In today's daily update she mentioned that one colleague so far has expressed an interest, but in order to be fair (to the PNG placement) she has to wait until the end of the week before she can show me anything since that is a “matching rule.”

I am surprisingly at ease. Anyday now I could be on a plane to PNG. I also have the excitement of wondering where I could be going and what I could be doing if my visa doesn't arrive. I could be on a plane to South America or possibly Asia or I could return to Africa. The possibilities are endless. The World is ahead of me.

So, I wait for tomorrow's update.

Come Monday

It'll Be Alright. This past weekend I was helping my Aunt Jana and Uncle Jeff redecorate my cousin, Dex's bedroom. Come Monday played on one of Jeff's many mp3 gadgets. Although Jana and I disagreed about our preference for Jimmy Buffett's music, we still sang along. Little did I know that a few days later I would be singing Come Monday again with a whole new meaning.

I received a call from VSO yesterday, four days before my projected arrival date in PNG. My visa approval letter has yet to arrive. The VSO program office in PNG was told that the person who was authorized the sign the approval letter was in a meeting and would be all week. VSO said they made some progress Tuesday when they were able to successfully send a fax stating that my letter needed to be signed YESTERDAY-literally! The "powers that be" stated that they received the fax and would send it over that day. This was two days ago.

In-country volunteer trainings begin Thursday March 13th. My advisor in Ottawa is hopeful that my letter will arrive in time. If we haven't received the letter by Monday, my initial arrival date, there is no possible way I would make it to the trainings. This means I will not be heading to PNG til the next training July 7th.

I am remaining positive and repeatedly singing "Come Monday it'll be alright." Hopefully, my letter will have arrived and I can begin my PNG adventure. But I must face the realities of a delay. If Monday does not bring news of a letter my options are to wait til July, or I could allow my advisor to red flag my file and search for other possible placements with VSO.

Come Monday........